 |
| My gorgeous son Nathan |
I feel so honoured to be Nathan's mom, he is an amazing person and I am loving watching the miracle unfold. I don't consider myself a conventional mom by any means, I haven't taken on society's "idea" of what a "good" mom should be. I feel that women who do take on the "mommy act" become unhappy because they lose sight of who they are and feel it's because of becoming a mother, when in actual fact it's because they chose to change. It's just as easy to choose to stay the same and that's exactly what I've done. I want my child to learn that you can do anything and everything that makes you happy. I want him to have a happy, self-fulfilled mom and the only way I'm going to achieve that is by being myself. Yes, there are aspects of myself that have naturally changed since becoming a mom, but they are more shifts in consciousness, realizations of what matters in life, feelings of love that I have never experienced before... all the good stuff really. Being a perfect mom doesn't mean you have to fit into the "mommy mold", as long as you love your child they really don't care if you have tattoos or sing karaoke really badly... They actually might love that about you!
So, whether you're someone longing for kids, have kids already or are dead-set against the possibility of having 'spawn', read the following stories of women that I consider to be incredible 'unconventionally perfect moms'... You might find more reasons to have... not to have... to have more... or not to have more... kids...
Catherine Grenfell
Profession... Dj, Producer, and more to come
Children... 4 boys and a girl:
Noah (10)
Aaron (7)
Ewan (7)
Oliver (4)
Holly(14months)
Relationship Status... Married
3 words to describe yourself before you became a mom
focused, career-driven, self-absorbed
3 words to describe yourself after you became a mom
complete, loved, meaningful.
How did you become a mom? Was your pregnancy planned, a surprise etc.
It was a surprise. But the day that I found out, my whole mind-set
changed and I realized that I was meant to be a mom.
Please describe a typical day in your life...
I get up at 6. Make school and hubby's lunches and breakfast. Get kids
up, dressed and fed. Take them to school. Come home. Holly and I have
breakfast together. We then play for a bit until we go to gym (she goes
to the daycare at the gym). I come home and cook dinner. I then do some
work or work in the garden. I then sort lifts home from school, have
lunch with Holly and then come to work. I get home at 7pm and we have
supper and then story time and bed. And then it's hubby and me time.
up, dressed and fed. Take them to school. Come home. Holly and I have
breakfast together. We then play for a bit until we go to gym (she goes
to the daycare at the gym). I come home and cook dinner. I then do some
work or work in the garden. I then sort lifts home from school, have
lunch with Holly and then come to work. I get home at 7pm and we have
supper and then story time and bed. And then it's hubby and me time.
What advice would you give to women about having children...
Enjoy every second. Love every moment you are pregnant, love giving
birth, and love every second that they are "Yours". As soon as they
start crawling, they become the worlds. And enjoy it. Have fun, laugh,
don't stress yourself out.
And most importantly, remember that the mom in the household is the glue
that keeps the house running. If you aren't happy or satisfied with your
life, everything else will be worse. Also listen to your gut most
importantly. Books and people can seriously hinder your judgement.
Remember that this is a natural thing, so let it be.
How has your life changed since you became a mom?
I have become more patient, I have become more loving and I have become
more focused on what REALLY matters in life.
Any tips on how to balance your life as a mom, career-girl, wife etc?
Get over trying to be the perfect mom, wife etc. There is nothing worse
than mother's guilt, and it can drive you insane. CHOOSE your battles.
There are so many things to worry about and sort out, so if you are
constantly screeching about petty things, you will drive everyone,
including yourself insane and you will never be happy. Patience is so
important.
What is the most valuable lesson you have learnt as a mom so far?
Choosing my battles, and by that I mean, focusing on things that will
have a serious impact on our lives and not the trivial things
Sureshnie Rider
Radio DJ/TV presenter/MC/Wife/Mum
Children...
She's 5 and half months, a little Girl named Pavani Milan
Relationship Status...
Happily married for 3 years
3 words to describe yourself before you became a mom
Bubbly, Talkative, Hardworking
3 words to describe yourself after you became a mom
Sleepy :) no Bubbly, Talkative, Hardworking
How did you become a mom? Was your pregnancy planned, a surprise etc.
We were planning since we married, and then nothing happened, once we
let go of 'trying' our Planned Surprised arrived last year
Please describe a typical day in your life...
Awake at 02h00 for a breastfeed, sleep, 05h30 awake to entertain my
little one, awake till 7am, then sometimes on air from 9 - 12, home at
13h00, cook, feed, play, feed, burp, play sleep till 18h00 :) bath time
for baby, feed, cuddle, read, play, burp, bedtime 20h30 for baby,
quick shower, 21h00 dinner, tv till 21h30 and sleep. Weekends I work
from 10am to 2pm so my day pretty much goes on the same formula :)
What advice would you give to women about having children...
It is a wonderful, scary, daunting, beautiful, happy, tearful,
emotional roller-coaster ride. When you want to have a little one many
of us picture the postcard pic of the little baba happy and content
and asleep cooing softly....when you give birth, there's the cuts and
the pain, the breastfeeding, leaking boobies, horrible maternity pads.
Also moments when you are sooo sleep deprived that your nipple is
feeding an ear instead of a mouth:) but take away all of those crazy
days, and you are filled from head to toe with the greatest gift of
all, being a mom...you will cry at the sight of a first smile, a first
sound, and when they do sleep softly gurgling and cooing..I thank the
almighty everyday for the honour and privilege. So honest opinion,
make yourself some jungle juice, pee when you can, use breastpads, ask
for help, use good nipple cream, cry when you want and just know ...That
you're an awesome Mummy
How has your life changed since you became a mom?
I am actually much calmer which is quite ironic, cos I think we are
expected to lose our heads, but Pavani has calmed my spirit, I don't
freak out or get into panic attacks...She has refined by spirit, and I
don't run around trying to please everyone, I please my most important
guest...my little girl
Save Save Save! I unfortunately don't receive maternity leave with pay
or even UIF or medical insurance. So as soon as Leigh and I found out
we were pregnant we started a savings plan. It really helped with our
Gynae visits and then some money to help me for the weekends out of
work. Things change when you become a mom, and it does take a while
to get your work mojo back. But the reality is as much as we would all
love to be stay home mums, our minds need to be revitalised in a work
place, and we need to sometimes get away and join the rat race then be
able to earn something to provide the best for your little one. My
work takes my weekends away, but I am home during the week with Pavani
and I try to show her that I can do both successfully.
What is the most valuable lesson you have learnt as a mom so far?
That Your child will always look to you if she is happy, in pain, sad,
lonely or scared. I will always be Pavani's mummy and no one will take
that from me. I am learning that she is her own person too, and I must
stand back and watch her become her own person. I have learnt that
there is no rule book on how to be a mummy, you take it one day at a
time. Don't follow on some one elses advice, learn by trial and error
and take advise when you need it.
I am in love with my husband, I am thankful to him for my greatest
gift, and his support has got me through on all levels of pregnancy
and birth and now with our little one. I look to him for everything
and I depend on him. He teaches me everyday too, and together as a
family we hope to make this transition a precious one.
Kate Bell
Profession...
Décor manager for O’MAGE (corporate events company)
Children...
Gorgeous son, Matthew, age 7
Relationship status...
Single
3 words for before I became a mom
· Naive
· Lost
· Irresponsible
3 words for after I became a mom
· Mature
· Fulfilled
· Happy
Becoming a mom...
Matt is my miracle baby, he came as a complete surprise. I was told I could never have children after contracting endometriosis at age 18. But by 21, I was expecting a beautiful little boy! I was not trying to fall pregnant, but did after a short and complicated relationship. I chose Matt’s name because of it’s Hebrew meaning: “little gift”, because Matt really is my little gift, the best surprise ever. I was terrified about telling my family as I was so young, and my relationship with his dad had ended before Matt was born, so it was quite a difficult and trying time in my life, but I was also unbelievably excited about having a baby and could not wait to meet my little guy. Matt arrived after only 6 hours in labour and I was overjoyed and completely in love with my gorgeous baby boy.
Typical day in my life...
I wake up around 5:45am, make Matt lunch for school, prepare his breakfast, skip breakfast myself, get Matt up and dressed, try and be creative and original with my wardrobe, end up wearing jeans and flats, spend ages in traffic whilst doing make up and singing to Justin Bieber (Matt’s favourite), drop Matt at school, go to work, have loads of meetings and presentations, skip lunch, have more meetings and presentations, make a list of work-related things to do when I get home, pack up my laptop, get home, make dinner for Matt and I, spend an hour convincing Matt to eat his veggies, go through his homework with him, bath him, clean up the kitchen and wash the dishes, tuck Matt into bed, read him a story, collapse into an exhausted heap on my couch, unpack my laptop and “to-do” list but never actually get around to doing anything on the list, put Matt back into bed after several attempts by him to stay up and watch tv with me, eventually fall asleep next to Matt in my clothes and make up, and wake up again at 5:45am the next day realizing that I have slept in my clothes and done nothing on my to-do list.
Advice for other women about having children...
The saying goes that there is no more rewarding and more difficult job in the world than being a mother, I would say this is true. Motherhood is the greatest joy I know, and being a mom to someone who tells me how beautiful I am and how much he loves me every day is just the most precious gift. But it is an exceptionally difficult and challenging role, and often you have only your own instincts to rely on.
These are a few simple things I have learned that may be useful to other mom’s:
- Carry wet wipes in your hand bag and car until your baby reaches age 21.
- Justin Bieber and /or Hannah Montanna will become a very real part of your world at some point.
- Prepare your explanation of how babies are made when your child starts school, and be prepared for them to share your account of this with their friends the next day.
- Have a sense of humour always, even when your two-year-old collapses into a heap on the floor in Pick ‘n Pay and has a full blown tantrum melt down over a packet of marshmallows that you won’t buy him because he has just had an ice-cream and is still on a complete sugar high.
- Be prepared to watch a maximum of 5 minutes of Greys Anatomy once every three weeks.
- You have to learn to love all kinds of family pets – from goldfish to hamsters to bearded dragons, because chances are that you will own one or all of these at some point.
Life changes since becoming a mom...
I am a completely different person in every respect. I have a true sense of purpose and direction, and I am crystal clear about what I want for my life and what my plans are. I am ambitious in my career so that I can secure a financially sound future. I have created a home for Matt and I that is a work in progress, but is a happy, comfortable space for the two of us that I am proud to have created from virtually nothing at a very young age. I have learnt to be more patient. I often find myself choosing to spend the night on the couch with Matt watching Disney channel than going out on the town. Dating after becoming a mom is tricky, I am more picky about the kind of partner I want, only because he would become a part of Matt’s world too. But I find that there are very few guys who are open to dating a woman with a child – there are a lot of assumptions and judgement to navigate. My body is completely different, but I am so much more comfortable in my own skin. I have made friends since becoming a mom that I never had before, I have built friendships with two girlfriends that are just more real and more enriching than anything I had known before motherhood. On the whole, I have experienced love that I cannot put into words, my relationship with my son is the single most important thing in my life and being his mom is the most fulfilling role I could ever have.
Tips to balance life as mom/career girl...
This is such a fine and delicate art, I don’t think there is one set of rules or tips that govern every woman’s set of circumstances, or an easy way to balance the many aspects of our lives. I believe that having time for yourself staying in touch with yourself is vital. It’s easy to get lost in being a mom and/or a career girl, but you are also an individual person with hopes and plans and passions, and those need to be nurtured and developed. Whether its shopping for shoes, or going to yoga, or taking an art class, you need to find some time that is just for you. Personally, being a good mom is my priority over my career, but I put the effort into my career that I do because it will enable me to provide for Matt and give him all the opportunities I can in life, so the two are linked closely. I don’t know how some moms manage to balance motherhood, career and being a wife or girlfriend, I think I have an easier time being a single parent on this front.
Most valuable lesson...
My most valuable lesson has taken me many years to recognize, that I should not judge myself as a mother by any other standards than my own. I have spent most of my twenties feeling inadequate about not being able to give Matt a “conventional” home with two parents and a lovely garden and loads of family pets. I have always felt that I needed to live up to what his peers’ parents were providing for their children. But what Matt may lack in material possessions or a conventional family environment, is balanced by the fact that he has all my attention and focus and there is nobody else there to compete for my time. Matt has a great relationship with his Dad and his Dad’s side of the family, so albeit unconventional, Matt certainly has a true sense of what family is, and he is loved and adored by his many aunts, uncles, grandparents and cousins.
Thank you SO much to these amazing women for sharing your stories with us, you are inspirational!
XXX
No comments:
Post a Comment