Whooosaaa...

I’ve always been the type of person who perceives herself as one who doesn’t give a damn what others opinions are of her, is self-assured, comfortable in her own skin, spiritually centered… blah blah blah…

Recently I realized I might not actually be as ‘whoooosaaaa’ as I’d like to think… Having become a mom recently (almost 6 months ago), I have been on quite an emotional, physical as well as, dare I say, ‘mental’ roller-coaster ride. It is absolutely impossible to describe in words the surreal experience of becoming another human being’s parent, and the realization that they were created inside your own body is beyond all description!

While I was pregnant I was the ‘preggi-poster-girl’, I didn’t drink, didn’t smoke, ate healthily, took preggi-bellies classes, practiced yoga and meditation regularly, connected with my ‘inner earth mother’ and all those other hippy-chicky things I indulge in… In short, I was preggi-perfect-befokked! And it paid off… my baby is a super-healthy, chilled and happy boy; couldn’t ask for more really.

Being pregnant is also an amazing opportunity to cash in on as many compliments as you can muster… “You’re glowing”, “Your hair looks amazing” and of course my favourite “Pregnancy suits you (seriously, couldn’t you come up with anything better?!)”.

So you can see why it was pretty easy for me to feel balanced and all that while pregnant. What I didn’t realize was that even though some compliments weren’t that original, they were still compliments and my unconscious mind was lapping them up, loving every second, giving me a false sense of self-confidence.

I know this now because only a few months after my baby’s arrival, those nearest and dearest to me who only want ‘the best’ for me, have started giving me their ‘honest opinion’ regarding my newly acquired weight, hair style change, my hormone byproduct of a skin… And it hasn’t been pretty! Incredible that even though I have an amazing man and friends on one side complimenting me every day, the only opinions that have really affected me are the one’s that I don’t like.

The level to which these opinions upset me has got me thinking… Why is it so important to me that everyone has a positive opinion towards something concerning me? And what is it about their opinions that is affecting me so much, is it that they are being brutally honest or is it that they are saying things that I am secretly thinking?? I think it’s a bit of both to be honest… their brutal honesty… which is funny because I pride myself in being honest, so why am I so offended by it; and my secret thoughts coming to the surface which is also strange because since I had my baby, I have just naturally stopped being so hard on myself and allowed myself to go with the flow, try new things, be whoever I want to be… so why am I still judging myself??

And the realization hits… I’m not actually living the life I’m thinking.

It’s all very good and well for me to be honest to those around me, but how can I be prepared to give it out and not hear it in return? It’s up to me whether or not I’m going to be offended by or appreciative of one’s honest opinion, after all it is just a point of view, not a fact… unless I make it one in my own head that is!  And as for judging myself, where is that coming from?? I finally give myself a break and live a little, and what do I do? Beat myself up about it when others don’t like the change!

Interesting that I was pretty content until the ‘suggestions’ came rolling in… I loved my new curves, was so glad I finally had the courage to change my hairstyle and when I started eating foods I was banned from while pregnant it was, simply put… Pure Bliss!! If I’ve learnt anything, it’s that you can’t please everybody, BUT you can please yourself by not being afraid to do what makes you happy… so say things you have been afraid to say, do what you secretly crave to do, dare yourself to be different to your norm… and be prepared, as with all change come opinions… that doesn’t mean you have to listen to them though!

XXX