The loneliness epidemic…

A friend of mine passed away last week. He hung himself.

Here was a guy who always seemed happy. He was the life of the party. What went wrong??

He prepared for this. He wrote letters to both his friends and his family explaining his reasons. But no matter what he wrote, people will still question "why" he did it, when he had friends who loved him and supported him until the end.
 I don't know why my friend did do it, but I have a feeling that if he didn't feel alone in some way or another, it might have stopped him from taking such drastic measures.

Loneliness comes in so many forms, it can be loud and intrusive or very good at hiding itself from the rest of the world. And absolutely anybody can feel lonely at some point in their lives.

I have felt it before and it's absolutely terrible. Let me explain my situation at the time… I was working seven days a week; five of those days were the graveyard shift on radio from 1-4am, I then had my Saturday night show from 10pm-1am, and the seventh day was usually spent flying to another city to DJ. So needless to say, I was working way too much and burning myself out. I lived on my own, was single, and because I was either traveling or working such ridiculous hours, I spent most of my time on my own. I have always been an extremely sociable person, I love spending time with my friends and family. So eventually the 'alone-ness' really got to me. Even though I was surrounded by an amazing support structure and a never-ending supply of love, I started feeling lonely.

Now, I never ever got to a point where I felt that life was too much, but I did get a taste of what some people are secretly going through in their lives, totally unbeknown to their loved ones. I spoke to my family and friends about it and eventually resigned from my night-shift position because I just knew it was not working for me, but many people don't, they stick it out until things really do get too much and end up getting very depressed or worse.

Society has conditioned us to be 'heroes', no matter what the consequences. It has taught us that 'appearing' happy is better than burdening people with your problems. To me, there is huge strength in vulnerability, and that means speaking up when things aren't working for you. And I don't mean being negative and pessimistic about your life, I mean living your truth. The people who love you will be there for you no matter what, don't be too proud to admit that you hate being single, don't want to live on your own or that the job you have is not right for you. The quicker you admit this to yourself and talk about it with those close to you, the sooner things will turn around for you. You are surrounded by great advice and words of encouragement, and I don't care who you think you are, you can most definitely benefit from the latter every now and then!

Another lesson I have learned from loosing a friend in this shocking way, is to never assume that those you love are okay or handling just because they say so. We live in a world that is so hectic, we have put our loved ones lower on our list of things to do when they should be above work, above chores, above everything. If you have a feeling that your friend might need to talk, don't ignore that feeling. Pick up the phone or go passed their house, make time for them. Even acknowledging a friend's birthday or remembering a special occasion in their lives can make the world of difference.

I now have quite a full household, I have a husband, a little boy and another on the way, an amazing housekeeper, two dogs, two cats… And even though I have loads of love around me at home, I still appreciate my friends who are always calling to see how I'm doing and my family who drop in for visits unannounced.

So if your friends are busy having babies and climbing up the career ladder and they seem like they don't even have time to breathe let alone have a cup of coffee with you, don't doubt whether they need your friendship. Everyone needs an outside perspective, a breath of fresh air…

Be that friend who makes the effort with someone who might not say anything but might have a whole lot to say…

And finally… Don't be a hero, those capes and tights look pretty damn awful anyway!

XXX